Inside My Mind
by SweetLittleChica5763
Summary: Christine finds herself stuck between two guys. Her Beloved Angel, and her childhood friend Raoul. When she finally decides who she wants, unfortunate events occur that threatens to tear everyone in the Opera House apart. EC Fop lovers beware!


A/N: This story is rated for content and probably vulgar language later on. Sexual relations between characters will be present throughout the story so if you do not like that, please press that pretty little back button. Also, the time frame of this story is kinda AU cause I'm not sure of the original time frame, but it will follow mostly with the ALW 2004 movie. With that said, enjoy the chapter!

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Inside My Mind 

Chapter 1

Flight Of An Angel

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10/15 

_Love. He says he loves me, and will do anything to protect me. Love. The thought is very scary for someone to give their heart to me, especially when I am not entirely sure if I can honestly give them the same. Raoul my childhood friend, I do love you…why must you make this so hard? Why are you trying to pressure me into this fastly paced relationship? I love you as a friend…a friend who was there when I had succumbed to one of my darkest hours since my Dad died. Oh spare me these unending declarations of love and devotion, let me breath, and give me some space to think. I know I am being a coward for writing these things here in my journal…it's not like I could ever tell him this in person. I'm weak…I easily settle with whatever is given to me, and as much as I loathe to admit it, I am easily manipulated. _

_That much was proven when I accepted Raoul's proposal. The thought of escaping my horrifying conclusions and feelings allowed me to become prey to Raoul's unsatisfied lust. How he keeps pressuring me to share my bed. I souly believe unparelled love is needed between a couple before they make love, and because I have no such feelings for Raoul, I wonder how long I will be able to hold him off until he demands it._

_Angel…where are you? You have left me to fend for myself, and I guess it is just punishment for my outright betrayal of you, but you must understand that I love you. This startling discovery is what drew me to that rooftop with Raoul. This intense feeling is the reason I allowed Raoul to manipulate my mind. I was confused. You had just killed a man, what was I supposed to think? I was terrified and he took advantage of the situation. He is my dear friend, but I hate him for capitalizing on my moment of weakness. Please Angel understand…maybe it is time that I told you all of this instead of cowardly writing it in this diary where I know you cannot cast your eyes upon. Those eyes, which burn me whenever they lock upon mine…I love you Angel. Please forgive my foolishness, which has no doubt caused you much pain. I'm sorry… _

Christine Daaé wiped at her tears and closed her red covered journal and slid it under her mattress. With a sigh she stood and stretched her back, walking over to the vanity and sitting down, staring hatefully at her reflection. All Raoul could ever mention was how beautiful she was. She hated that it seemed to be the only thing he cared about. Her Angel loved her beauty as well, but he loved her soul and her singing talents much more. He loved who she was he knew her better than anyone and when she thought back to how much pain she had caused him, her heart constricted painfully. Renowned tears stung the back of her eyes and fell freely down her face. Ever since the disastrous performance of _Il Muto_, and the rooftop, where she knew he was hiding, she hadn't heard a thing from him. It was as if he disappeared.

With a glance to her full-length mirror, Christine stood and walked over to it, placing her hands against the cool glass.

_Angel, my angel _

_Please come to me _

_My soul longs_

_To see you_

_Angel, my angel_

_Please forgive me_

_Enter at last_

_Angel! _

The tone of voice was the same she sung that night he whisked her off through the mirror to his lair. Her voice sounded desperate and she prayed to God that he would answer her. She needed him desperately. She waited a few terse minutes and then opened her mouth to begin again but a swift knock to her door stopped her.

"Christine!" The voice of Raoul de Chagny came from the other side. Her face scrunched up in annoyance and she turned from the mirror and sat at her vanity.

"Come in." She called to him.

He strolled into her room, a cocky smile adorning his face as he looked at her sitting prettily at her vanity. It was truly a great triumph that the beautifully new diva was his fiancé; it was something he proudly bragged about to anyone who cared to ask him about his life affairs. "Don't you look breathtakingly beautiful." He said with a smile as he lowered his head to plant a kiss on her lips, but before the contact was made she turned her head and gave a cough, which forced Raoul's lips to meet her soft cheek.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were going to see some important Counsel man for the afternoon." She said, not letting her anger at his disruption filter into her voice. She was after all an actress in the most famous Opera House in Paris.

"I am, and it seems that I will be gone for the night and most of tomorrow morning as well. I just wanted to stop by and see you, I do have a half hour to spare." And without another word he pulled her up to a standing position and crushed her lips with his. It didn't take long for him to maneuver her to the bed and began trying to untie her corset while his lips moved to her full breasts with a moan.

Christine's head was swimming, and not with what was expected of her to feel. Instead of desire and passion she felt disgusted and angry. She pushed at Raoul's shoulders until he rolled off of her and she sat up. "Raoul, stop." She said, her chest heaving rapidly.

Raoul's eyes twinkling and a lecherous smile adorned his lips. "I see you want to take control…it's an interesting turn of events, I never knew you had this side to you." He said pulling her down on top of him and began his intrusion into her mouth as he hastily tried untying the corset. After a while annoyance surfaced and he popped the strings and began to pry it from Christine's body. She jerked away and got off of him walking slowly backwards until her back hit her vanity.

"Raoul I mean it. Stop!" She said as she crossed her arms over her body. Raoul stood, his arousal was very evident from his tight trousers. He stalked towards her and smiled.

"You my dear, it is time to stop your hard to get act." He grabbed her shoulders and crushed her bodies to him. Before he could reclaim her lips she struck out and smacked him hard across the cheek.

"Get out!" She screamed at him.

Raoul looked at her a little wounded, anger clearly flashing in his eyes and with a hard glare he held his head high and stormed out of the room.

Once he was gone she started shaking and she wrapped her arms around herself as a loud sob escaped her lips. She hurriedly ran to her bed and buried her face in her soft plush pillows, hoping to drown the sound of her distress.

Unbeknown to Christine, The Phantom Of The Opera stood near her door, his jaw set, and his eyes ablaze. He wanted nothing more then to kill the stupid fop for hurting Christine, but he knew at the moment he had to attend to her needs. He pushed back all the hurt feelings that she had bestowed upon him and with a deep sigh he pulled the lever that made the mirror slid open with ease. He walked out of the passageway and made his way silently to her shaking form. He sat on her bed and the action caused her to sit up, he eyes were wide and she looked terribly frightened.

When she realized who was sitting next to her she made a choking sound in the back of her throat and threw her arms around the man, practically crawling into his lap. "Oh Angel…I'm sorry for what I did to you, I'm sorry for everything I put you through, I wasn't thinking. Raoul is nothing but a creep, he…he…" A loud sob stopped her from completing her sentence and her eyes clenched shut in anguish.

Erik lifted her chin and wiped her tears away. "I saw what that foolish boy had done. I heard you calling to me and I came…I am sorry that I did not come sooner. By the time I got her and recognized what was going on you had told him to leave."

Christine buried her head in his shoulder and held him tight. "I'm sorry Angel. Please…hold me."

The broken tone was what made him give in instead of rubbing her nose in her ridiculous mistake in accepting the fop's marriage proposal. But with an internal sigh he realized that she had already paid dearly for her actions and he consented, holding her tight. _I will kill that man if it's the last thing I'll do. _He vowed to himself as he opened his mouth and began singing Christine a soft lullaby.

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**Meg Giry's Diary **

10/16

**_I know diary what I have done is a sin and I cannot confess this to anyone but you. What I have done is so terribly wrong and yet it felt so incredibly right. Last night Raoul came to my room and said he needed to speak to me. We went to his office, where he locked his door and before I knew what was happening he had my skirt pulled up and was giving me the most pleasurable feeling I have ever felt. And as my back was hitting his desk as he increased his speed he kissed me with such passion. It felt so good, my body was tingling from the onslaught of his manly body._**

**_But just as soon as it happened it was over and he told me to never speak of this to anyone, and with one last kiss I was dismissed. I know it's not the most ideal way for someone to lose their virginity, but I wonder what made him lust after me so. I know what I have done was a sin and a betrayal of Christine and her trust in both of us. It was wrong, but at the time it felt right. It was exciting to say the least, and I must admit I hope he feels the need to come back to me soon…oh Christine, forgive me!_**

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Erik awoke with a smile upon his face, which was entirely out of character for him. He wondered what could have possibly caused this and he realized that he was not in his coffin, but a nice soft bed. He was not in his dark and damp lair, but in a sunny room that smelled of vanilla and roses, a smell that he usually accustomed to Christine…Christine! 

With startled eyes he looked around the room and turned to his right where Christine was curled up beside him, a sleepy smile on her face as she continued to dream. Erik let his eyes roam over the ceiling and he wondered how in the hell he got in this predicament. It was at that time that yesterday's events rushed back to him and his anger was fueled tenfold.

Raoul de Chagny the bane of his existence had done the most unforgivable thing. The thought of punjabing the insufferable idiot appealed to him immeasurably, but he quickly shook the thought off. No, he wanted the de Chagny boy to feel pain and torture, he wanted him to suffer. With thoughts like these a devious smirk played across his features as he plotted on what to do to the boy. It was then that a knock echoed throughout the quiet room. Erik rolled off of the bed and hid under it, while Christine jerked awake at the second knock.

The door opened and Meg stood there, peeking her head into the room. "Christine…it's breakfast time." Her voice sounded tentative and from what Christine could see Meg's shoulders were slumped as if the wait of the world was rested upon them.

"Thanks Meg, but I'm not really hungry. Tell Madame Giry that I will see her at rehearsal ok?" Christine answered.

"Ok." Meg responded before ducking out of the room and shutting the door. Christine waited a few minutes before she was sure that Meg had left until she looked over the side of her bed and saw her Angel crawling from under it. She could not stop the laugh the bubbled from her throat, though she did try to smother it by placing her palm to her lips.

Erik glared up at her playfully. "Yeah sure laugh. It must be funny to see the big bad Opera Ghost hiding under a bed." He mumbled with a disgruntled look. This only caused Christine to lose her composure completely and fall on her back on the bed, laughing mirthfully.

"I…wish I…had a…camera." She gasped in between laughs.

"Yeah, yeah yuck it up. I know how to get back at people, do I have to remind you of Carlotta and her throat spray."

The remark quieted Christine down considerably but she looked over at him with a smug look upon her face. "Maybe, but you would never do anything to harm me." When he said nothing to dispel her statement, she smiled and got from the bed.

"You need to get ready for rehearsals. Remember I'm going to be watching and critiquing your performance, it must be flawless tonight." Erik replied wiping himself down.

"I will do my best…Angel…there's some things that I want to tell you…"

"Tell me after your performance ok? I must go." And with a dramatic swish of his cape he opened the mirror and disappeared into the passage. Christine watched the mirror slide close and she turned around to her wardrobe and sighed. The day would stretch by slowly. Tonight after her performance she was going to tell her Angel exactly how she felt.

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Erik sat in box 5 overlooking the rehearsals, he was massaging his temples and glaring in annoyance at the dancers and singers that were on stage, they were all abysmal. It seemed that Carlotta was pissed about losing her spot, and she was trying to plead with Reyer and the managers to give her back the leading role. It had caused Piangi to say that he refused to sing if Carlotta was not the lead, which had only started a huge argument that had broken out over the stage. Erik could see Madame Giry looking deeply annoyed as she twirled her long braid in between her hands angrily. 

"Imbeciles I tell you. This place is being run by imbeciles." He said to himself as he shook his head in exasperation. He twirled his Punjab lasso thoughtfully, weighing the consequences of going down there and strangling everyone to death. But if he did that, he'd have no one to play out the Opera so it was with regretful eyes that he sunk back in his seat and glared at the chandelier hoping something would stop the disastrous rehearsal.

"Zyou are all ztrying to sabotage me. Christine iz behind ziz whole thing!" Carlotta screeched at the managers.

"Carlotta, we can not have another performance as the one the other night. Maybe it's best if you stick to the silent role until you are sure that your voice has returned to you…you wouldn't want another humiliation would you?" Firmin replied.

Erik applauded his nerve, even though he would have loved for the managers to just fire the screeching Italian…she was way past her prime, it was time she took up something else…like sewing perhaps. The thought made Erik chuckle.

"Put the leading star back in her rightfully earned spot!" Piangi ordered, waving his hands around in a frantic matter almost as dramatic as his wife's, poking Andre in the stomach. It was that one action that caused Andre to push Piangi, which only caused Carlotta to screech more about the injustice of it all. Pretty soon the ballet rats got into the squabble and everyone was either rolling around on the floor pulling hair, or screaming at each other. The spectacle was quite interesting and Erik found himself trying to hold back a loud laugh. Instead he settled for quiet chuckling, and the occasional snort of amusement.

"Enough!" Madame Giry screamed at everyone on stage. She glared at each and every one of them, her eyes ablaze. "You are all acting like 3-year-olds. Now, rehearsals will take a one hour break and then when we get back here I want to hear nothing more about who should be playing who's part. The castings for tonight's performance is unchangeable, and if you don't like it, don't expect to be able to walk into this Opera House ever again." The whole stage got quiet and the ballet girls got off of each other and the squabbling adults settled for glaring at each other. "What are you waiting for, a dismissal in A minor? Get Out!"

The stage cleared rather quickly except for Madame Giry, Meg and Christine. After they were sure everyone was gone, Christine moved forward and placed a hand on Madame Giry's shoulder. "You did well stopping their petty fights. I hope the rest of the rehearsal goes better than this."

"You did good mom, taking control like that." Meg responded in a quieter voice than usual.

Madame Giry smiled at the two girls and turned on her heel. "I need to go get something to eat, you coming?" She said walking off the stage. Meg started following her mother but Christine shook her head.

"I'm going to retire to my room, I have a headache." She replied. Without anything else being said she turned and began her way to her room.

Erik stood up and used passageways to get there at the same time that she did. He stood behind her mirror as she walked into he room and locked the door. She walked over to the mirror and Erik used that to indicate that she wanted to talk. He pulled the lever and walked inside, she smiled and threw her arms around him.

"Oh Angel! Carlotta is being as vicious as ever, she threatened me right before rehearsals." Christine said, a bit of worry in her voice.

"Well we have no use of the woman…"

"Angel no! Please do not kill her." Christine said a worried look of panic crossing her face.

Erik smiled at the young woman and nodded his head. "Fine. I will not kill her, that's the only thing I can promise."

Christine nodded her head and sat on her bed with a sigh. "Angel…what's your real name?"

Erik froze. This was something that he dreaded, telling her his name would strip away one of the personal barriers between them, leaving him feeling exposed…could he really do that? Was he ready? He looked over at her and saw her wide eyes looking searchingly at him. He trusted her, and it seemed as if she trusted him.

"Erik. My name is Erik."

And boy was he glad that he told her. Christine's smile was bright enough to light up a whole city. Her eyes sparkled as she looked at him and she turned her body fully towards him and dropped her eyes shyly. "I don't how to say this so I'm just going to say it…I love you. It was because I loved you so much that I was confused and distressed. I just couldn't think of why you would kill Buquet and Raoul was there. He seemed to be a good escape at the time and I foolishly accepted his marriage proposal. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Erik felt the tears in the back of his eyes. This was what he was waiting for. The moment had finally come. Without another world he moved over to her and kissed her passionately. She melted in his arms and kissed him back, holding him tight as if she'd die if she let him go. This was a feeling that Erik had never felt before. Never before had he felt loved, and cared for and it all was given to him by the person he wanted it most from. She accepted him, she loves him. It was the greatest feeling in the world and he never wanted it to end.

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A/N: Ok I don't know maybe you guys thought that this was boring, but I would like to hear feedback on what you think. The next chapter I'm going to start writing today actually, and it should be up pretty soon. Hope you liked it, Peace! 


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